Irken Hangover
by Familiar47
Summary: An alternate sequel to Kill Zim. When Shen and Skullene want to get married, Skullene sends Shen, Dib, Skoodge and the Carlos to another planet while she handles the wedding preparations. Sadly she forgot their supidity, resulting in Shen being lost!
1. Chapter 1

Irken Hangover

This is an alternate sequel to my best story: Kill Zim. Instead of A Dark Power this will be a light hearted little parody. I do not own The Hangover, Zim, or anything else referenced in this.

Certain characters you will recognize belong to ngrey651, and they will be having cameos in ths-think of them as the Mike Tyson of this story.

**Starring**

**The Carlos as Phillip**

**Dib Membrane as Stu**

**Skoodge as Alan**

**Shen Baron as Doug**

**Skloo as Lesley Chow**

Xxx

Prologue

_The consequence of taking a Vortian to Lasvegia..._

Click! "Hello, this is The Carlos! Master of Mayhem and Madness, I am not available right now so suck it!"

Click! "Hello, Dib Membrane here, I'm not available right now, very sorry."

Click! "Invader Skoodge recording! Hah! I am not able to take your call right now!"

Click! "Greetings, Captain Shen Baron here, I'm away now and getting married, if you have a message leave it after the beep."

Beep!

Skullene groaned, setting the communicator down and burying her face in her hands. "Why me...?"

Her younger sister Paneece patted her back. "It'll be okay Skully, it's just Lasvegia."

"Precisely," Tallest Zim grumbled as he walked by, pacing back and forth. "I'm telling you I should have gone with them!"

"You had to stay here to make sure Grim didn't go after Shen to hunt him down," Empress Tak said, gently forcing her husband to sit back down.

Grimrair still was making threats against Shen along the lines of 'He'd better be using protection with my little sister!'-to which his older brother Envon responded by promptly hitting him over the head with the nearest object...mostly frying pans and other kitchenware. This paranoia had escalated to the point in the last six months that Envon was forced to handcuff Grim to him and stay with him until the wedding was over...

That is if there was a wedding at all, and the way things looked there wouldn't be.

"I've been trying to call them all morning dad," Skullene groaned. "What could be taking them so long?"

"Maybe my stupid brother raised the dead again," Gaz Membrane said, sitting on the couch with Skullene, Paneece, and her Gameslave 4. "Or caused another intergalactic incident."

"He did apologize to the Grand Ruler of the Game Planet," Paneece pointed out. "It was an accident."

"He'll be here," Sophie assured Skullene, the Were-Alien standing behind the couch rubbing the Irken's shoulders.

Suddenly Skullene's phone rang. Eagerly she picked it up and leaped to her feet, walking out onto the deck. Down below Irkens, Vortians and humans were preparing for the wedding...and a Vortian Battle Mech stood across from an Irken one for the possibility that the wedding didn't go as planned. "Shen? Is that you?"

"_Uh...Skullene?_"

"Carlos?" Skullene glanced back inside and lowered her voice to a whisper. "What's going on?"

"_Skullene I'm sorry...we messed up bad._" Carlos admitted. "_We've lost Shen._"

"...Carlos, what the hell do you mean you _lost him?_" Skullene demanded "We're getting married in six hours, and this whole alliance relies on me and Shen being wed!"

"_Yeah...about that...you might want to warn all of the Irkens to grab their guns,_" Carlos sighed. "_Cuz that ain't gonna happen._"

Xxx

Three days ago

_Ziiiim..._

Tallest Zim sat up in his bed, making the woman laying next to him whine in her sleep as she was disturbed by his sudden movement. He looked around, setting the lights to a dim level so he could see without waking his mate up.

_Ziiiiimmmm!_

It was a sing-song voice, so familiar...

Pop!

"_I'm haunting you, sucker!"_ Tallest Red cackled as he appeared before Zim, floating off of the ground with his legs ending as a cloudy whisp.

Zim stared at the conjuration, opening his mouth to speak...and promptly fell back on the bed, where Tak proceeded to readjust herself to him so she could sleep comfortably.

The Ghost of Tallest Red stared at the sleeping Irkens, disappointed because Zim had not screamed his head off like the dead Tallest had hoped. _"The guy kills me and doesn't have the decency to let me scare him. Juuuust great."_

With that, he popped back out of existencne before the lights turned on and the doors flew open. "MOM! DAD!"

"AH!" Both Tak and Zim leaped out of bed, Zim holding Tak up as she quivered, staring at the door where their youngest daughter Paneece stood.

Red's ghost reappeared, hidden from the view of the mortals. He pouted, crossing his arms. _"Okay that is not fair. I'm a scary ghostie and she's some kid! I am so talking to the guys at the front desk of Purgatory, they said this would get me some laughs and screams!"_

"Panny? Darling?" Zim exhaled. "Why did you wake us up?"

"Because we're running late!" Paneece replied. "Skullene and Shen already reached Earth!"

That got the rulers of Irken society started. They scrambled to get their proper clothes on-due to being in a state of undress Once they were done they made a dash for their personal ship alongside Paneece and three of their other children: Envon, Grimrair and Hellion. They were all wearing fine clothes instead of invader style uniforms now.

"I can't believe I slept in!" Hellion whined. "Mom I told you going cold turkey keeps me up at night!"

"And I told you I won't have a son of mine eating other Irkens!" Tak snapped back at him. "Now come on we have to hurry!"

"Oh Skully is so gonna be pissed!" Zim groaned. "I feel it in my antennae!" He still sounded dramatic as he did in his life as 'Invader Zim' before regaining his memories of being Tallest Splorchamheimer-also known as the Almighty Nameless Tallest by anybody who couldn't pronounce or remember his name.

"Go Zim! Zimmyyyy!" They heard somebody call from the entrance to the ship. All of the Irkens saw what looked like a human with messy but fashionable black hair with red eyes. He wore black pants and a denim jacket and a big toothy grin.

"_He_ is here?" Zim glared at Paneece. "You invited _him?_"

"He's a guest on the list!" Paneece protested.

"He's also a human who I will throw a party on the day of his funeral!" Zim shouted as they reached the ship.

"Aw come on Zim you have no guarantee you'll live longer than me," Carlos said as they all got on board.

"Irkens live a lot longer than humans Carlos-Maniac! And I've seen how human you are when you got a black eye from that vending machine!" Zim pointed out.

"Oh yeah...that guy made a powerful enemy that day," Carlos growled. "He still won't crack!"

"What does he mean?" Tak asked.

"He went to some...extreme lengths to get that Klondike Bar," Zim explained.

Xxx

**The vending machine sat in Carlos' basement, chain to the wall with varying tools lying around it. Several of Carlos' siblings were trying to open it.**

"**Ok, plasma cutter is ready!" One of them, Travis held up the alien tool. "Let's get a move on people, Carlos said he'll give us a million bucks if we get this open!"**

"**But won't they be stale by now?" Sarah asked.**

"**Does Carlos ever care?" Sally pointed out.**

"**Alright let's get going!" Travis held the plasma torch to the vending machine. "Lock and load!"**

**Upstairs, Kurt sat on the couch waiting for his girlfriend as the whole house began to shake. As the couch flew a foot in the air he looked down.**

"**This guy's putting up a fight!" Travis shouted. "He's got a thick outer shell! Turn up the power levels!"**

Xxx

"If any luck they'll have that A-hole busted open when we get back!" Carlos chuckled as they all sat down. "But anyways, I decided to meet you here personally because I have an idea!"

"We're not celebrating by launching fireworks from every square mile of surface on Earth Carlos," Zim deadpanned.

"Oh come on I know this guy in the Irken Weapon Department who has some awesome fireworks!" Carlos pleaded. "It would be awesome! The whole galaxy would see them! Don't you think this is a special occasion? One of the two largest empires in the whole galaxy having one of the heirs to the throne being married? Everybody will be celebrating! And I can convince everybody here to party with either the power of madness...or faking my death."

"How did you know?" Zim stared at Carlos.

"Come on Zim, I've racked up a lot of annoyance points everywhere," Carlos shrugged. "But anyways...you may face on minor difficulty not related to me when you land on Earth...aside from anti-alien groups."

"Oh no..the other group showed up first?" Tak paled.

"Yep, and the Vortians brought their own front line battle mech," Carlos nodded. "But aside from that we have everybody on the list coming over. Hey, we even got the Meekroobians coming over!"

"How did you manage to persuade them to agree to a cease fire!"

"Well they hated the previous tallest because Purple insulted their art, but they're fine with you two so long as the marriage goes through," Carlos replied.

"Ok," Zim sighed as the ship took off. "We have the Swollen Eye Balls, the Membrane family, the Vortian delegation, the Irken Royal Guard, everybody in this family, the famous Irken Sharpshooters incase things go bad, the Meekroobian Delegation..did you get the band?"

"Oh yeah we got them," Carlos nodded. "Now Zim there is only one last thing we need to do."

"What?"

"Well seeing as this will be an Earth wedding, I want to follow a human tradition and take Shen to a bachelor party." Carlos proposed.

"Absolutely not! Are you nuts?"

"Redundant question! The idea was already approved by Skullene!" Carlos replied. "She said she wants him off planet for a bit so she can talk down the Marriage Committee to so they don't have to follow the Irken tradition where you cut off your fingers and exchange them or the Vortian tradition where the groom cuts off one of their own horns! She wants him far from Earth so no one catches him while she sorts it out." He held up a small envelope. "And she got me, Shen, Dib and Skoodge tickets to Las Vegia since everybody else at the wedding had a job to do!"

"I'm guessing that she didn't give you a job since you're nuts, Dib since he's an idiot, and Skoodge because...he's Skoodge," Tak sighed

"Las Vegia?" Zim demanded, turning in his seat "You're taking the groom to Las Vegia?"

"Yep!" Carlos nodded. "And I studied the galactic charts! I just have to follow the routes set in by the new Irken-Vortian treaty and we'll be fine!"

"Zim eyes on the road!" Tak shouted.

Zim turned. "AHHHH! WEENIE!"

They were heading right for a large floating advertisement board of D'licious Weenies. Zim wrenched on the controls and dodged it. "Carlos of all the things to do I don't want you, Dib and Skoodge looking after Shen on Las Vegia!"

"I know Zim, but Skullene made a very...convincing argument," Carlos replied. "And quite frankly I'm more terrified of her than I am of you because she knows how to cause me large amounts of pain, much more than Kurt or anybody else has ever caused me. So relax, I know how to pilot, I know how to work a hyper drive, I know the standard docking procedure-oh and duck."

"Duck what?"

Thud!

"Not duck, D.U.C.K." Carlos replied as a large robot drone was smashed to pieces by the ship. "Defensive Universal Combating Killer. The UN ordered them special from the Vortians after the whole 'aliens exist' controversy was done and Dib stopped doing his happy dance...oh and you'll have to pay for that"

"Doh!" Zim cursed in Irken for several moments.

Luckily by then they had reached Earth after breaking several traffic laws.

They landed in the Irken Embassy and were met out front by...

"Zim!" Skoodge waved from the sidewalk where a car was parked. "You made it!"

"What's this about you taking Shen to Las Vegia?" Zim demanded.

"You already told him Carlos?" Skoodge looked at the maniac, who was cleaning a set of sunglasses.

"It was the appropriate time," He shrugged and put the sunglasses on. "Ah...much better."

"You couldn't at least wait for me and Dib?" Skoodge asked as they all got into the hover car.

"I called, you didn't answer, and Dib broke the transmitter he built for the government to use," Carlos said. "And before you ask how I found out: I have my sources."

"Your sources couldn't tell Dib?"

"My sources are tiny spy demons who attach themselves to your shoulder and send telepathic messages to me," Carlos pointed out. "Oh and speaking of...here Spot! Here boy!"

A tiny Imp appeared on Skoodge's shoulder and leaped into Carlos' lap, cuddling close to the maniac.

"Aw...ain't he precious?" Carlos patted Spot the Demon's head.

"Carlos, I thought we'd wait for Shen and Dib to break the news!" Skoodge sighed. "I don't have a ship ready yet!"

"And if I have anything to do about it you won't go anywhere near Las Vegia!" Zim added.

"Come on Zim, we can't go to the Game Planet, it's for kids!" Carlos whined. "The War Games have been shut down, remember? You were there when you gave the Nemarians the planet back? Las Vegia's the only planet rated for bachelor partiies!"

"Why don't you go to Las Vegas on this planet then?"

"Because the alcohol causes allergic reactions in Vortians! Shen needs Vortian Firewhisky and Irken Ale and Veniran Beers!" Skoodge spoke up as he drove the family. "Not to mention that alcohol just causes us to go to the bathroom in two seconds on this planet! It's like human lactose intolerance!"

"Come on Zim, Las Vegia!" Carlos pleaded. "You're race isn't at war anymore; nobody will know Shen is there so no xenophobes from those isolationist groups can try to cancel the wedding, it's the best way! And if you keep a lid on it, nobody will even know Shen is off planet! All those death threats will be useless because the would be assassins will be looking here on Earth!"

"Carlos," Zim said intensely. "I promise you now that so long as I am Tallest and father of the bride, Shen Baron will never set foot on Las Vegia while I draw breath."

"Well that'll cause trouble," Carlos sighed. "Tried to warn you, poor fool."

Xxx

Zim stepped out of Skullene's room-actually Gaz's room which the girl had let Skullene get ready in. "...Las Vegia it is."

"Did she threaten you or use the bamby eyes?" Carlos asked smugly.

"I'm not talking about it," Zim replied.

"Relax, Kurt will keep an eye on any assassin or death threats that come Skully's way, and Lok even checked out the routes to Las Vegia!" Skoodge assured Zim. "There's no way somebody would try and hit them in public!"

Zim sighed as Skullene stepped out of the room. "I know, I still can't help but worry...for I am Zim!" He struck his old signature dramatic pose. "And Zi must make sure his adorable widdle angels remain safe!"

"Aw...thanks dad!" Skullene hugged Zim.

The front door flew open. "We're home!"

"Dib!"

"Shen!" Skullene grinned and flew down the stairs. Both of the men who entered were suddenly knocked to the ground. She was joined by a young blonde girl who leaped into Dib Membrane's arms and kissed him while Skullene mimicked this action with Shen.

"Good news honey, dad said you can go to Las Vegia for a bachelor party!" Skullene said.

"That's great!" Shen smiled. "But are you sure you'll be fine here? I mean..." He looked out onto the street in front of the Membrane house where there were humans, Irkens and Vortians among other aliens with signs that said things along the lines of 'No cross breeding', 'Irken purity', 'Aliens go home', or 'Hi mom! :D '.

"Oh Shen I'll be fine here, you deserve a bachelor party!" Skullene assured her fiancé as they both got up. "And since Carlos, Dib and Skoodge finished their jobs already they'll be going with you!"

"Wait, we never had had jobs-OW!" Carlos hopped on one foot after Zim kicked him in the other leg. "I'll press charges for assault!"

"I'm the leader of the Irken Empire, I have a planet of lawyers ready to defend me," Zim replied.

"...damn," Carlos pouted.

Xxx

"And I'll call when we get there," Dib promised Sophie as he, Skoodge, Carlos and Shen packed their bags into Zim's personal cruiser.

"And you will make sure not to crash my new ship?" Zim added, arms crossed.

"Yes Zim," Dib sighed.

"Zim, relax," Tak said gently, wrapping her arms around his shoulders from behind and kissing him on the cheek. "They'll be fine."

"It's not all of them who I am worried about, it's one of them who I am suspicious about," Zim glared at Carlos, who was sitting in the cockpit playing with the steering wheel.

"Weeee!" Carlos cheered, making engine and gun noises. "This is fun! Wehehehe!"

"...don't worry," Shen said. "I'll keep an eye on things when we get there Zim."

"I'd be more worried about the gas tank if you have Carlos on board," Zim replied. "Just don't die. If you do then the Vortians and Irkens go back to war. And with a fleet behind them this time the Vortians won't go down so easy."

"Well that's plenty to think on while we party," Skoodge whistled. "So come on Shen we have to get going!"

"Alright! I'll be along in a minute!" Shen called to the Irken as he rushed aboard. "I'll see you all when we get back on Monday."

Skullene hugged him and gave him a kiss-something the nearby group of Vortians who were to see Shen off grumbled at with disgust. Many knew the marriage of one of the Tallest's daughters to the leader of the Vortians would seal peace between the two empires forever...but if it failed at all Shen would face civil war and Zim would face galactic war.

Dib gave Sophie a kiss and accepted a pat on the head from his father.

"Good luck with your alien friends son!" The scientist-who now accepted his son's beliefs a bit more unless it involved bigfoot and belt sanders said. "Before you return I shall have engineered the greatest back yard wedding in the history of weddings! And to do this I shall utilize..." Insert dramatic pause. "The power of real _science!_" With that he leaped into the air, striking a dramatic pose as energy crackled all around him.

"...how does he do that?" Sophie asked.

"You'll have better luck figuring out how he makes his hair move," Dib whispered. "I'll see you when we get back."

"Love you!" She gave him a kiss and he was off.

Meanwhile Carlos had to escape all seven of his girlfriends, who were smothering him in kisses the moment he had gotten off of the ship to say good bye to them all. He scrambled up the steps and turned to them. "Love you all too! I shall return!"

He rushed in and shut the door. Then he took the controls while everybody buckled in.

"Alrighty then!" Carlos struck a Captain Morgan-esque pose as he placed a bubble pipe between his lips. "We be settin' sail for the world of Las Vegia, home of hookers, booze and mischief aplenty!"

"My stomach contents be settin' sail for my mouth if you use a pirate accent again," Shen said, squirming.

"Aw...fine," Carlos pouted and took the controls. "Lift off!"

The ship blasted away from the ground, leaving the group covered in a layer of black soot.

Slowly wiping the material off of his face, Zim sighed and looked at Tak. "I'm guessing you still won't let me call them back and forbid this?"

"Zim, Skullene used the Bambi Eyes on us," Tak pointed out. "And if we change our minds she'll use the Bambi Eyes plus the teary eyes."

"Why I let you teach our daughter how to act cute I shall never know!" Zim groaned.

Meanwhile Skullene was confronted by two different people. One of them was an Irken and the other A Vortian, both wearing robes. The Irken was a defect who was part of the formerly underground religious group on Irk that stuck to the nearly lost religion Irkens once followed. The other was a Vortian priestess.

"We need you and your husband to decide!" The Vortian insisted. "Will you follow the traditions of the Vortians?...or of the Irkens?" She said 'Irkens' like it was a curse even though she was talking to one already.

"I told you both I don't want an Irken or Vortian wedding!" Skullene snapped. "I don't want Shen to exchange fingers with me or cut off his horn to prove his love for me!"

"But how else will he prove that he cares for you?" The Vortian sounded genuinely confused.

"Well maybe I can help explain that!" A young human man said as he walked up. He had messy brown hair and green eyes.

"Who the hell are you?" The Irken demanded.

"I'm Nick Grey, writer's convenience!" The man said cheerfully. "And I'm here to explain to you the concept behind 'genuine love and affection'!" As he spoke he fell to one knee and pointed both arms to a sign that literally appeared on a nearby wall, saying in big pink letters 'GENUINE LOVE AND AFFECTION WITH NICK GREY'.

"...Are you for real?" Skullene asked.

"I'm real enough to make sure your hubby doesn't have to lose a horn."

Skullene's eyes shined as she hugged the human. "Ohhhh thank you so much thank you so much thank you so much thank you so much-" She kept on repeating those four words over and over again.

Little did Skullene realize she was slowly crushing the human with the hug. And Irkens did not yet know that turning blue was a bad thing for humans.

"Uh...human?" The Vortian waved one hand in front of Nick's face as he struggled to hold a breath. "I think he's dead."

"How can you tell?"

"Don't humans turn blue when they die?"

"I thought that was purple."

"No no...was it green?"

The Irken shrugged. "Man, these humans have so many colours! They must be masters at camouflage!"

Nearby a white eyed Irken sighed, pinching himself in the area between his eyes as he shook his head, his curl tipped antennae bobbing. "_Idiots._"

CRASH! The Omni-Hunter crashed head first nearby, and Lok leaped out dramatically.

"I heard somebody call us!" He said.

Darth didn't even look at the mercenary as he watched the Irken and the Vortian argue over what kind of wedding Skullene and Shen should have. Slowly it built up as more Irken and Vortian guests showed up to voice their opinion, finally turning into a full blown brawl between the two sides.

And all the while Skullene _still_ didn't stop hugging Nick, who by now had gone limp with blue skin.

"This will take some explaining to the Tallest," Darth groaned. "Aw florp it, I'm getting a Klondike Bar." He walked away.

Pop!

_"I'm haunting you all!" _Red cackled as he appeared out of thin air. _"Fear me!"_

Sadly nobody noticed the red Irken ghost in the middle of the argument over what type of wedding there was going to be. Nick had vanished, oddly replaced by a green eyed and green clad Irken comunications officer who tried to solve the dispute by firing off a bullet into the air. This served to further enrage the crowd until Nick (in his Irken form) laid out some ground rules in the form of Irken Kung-Fu.

_"...being a poltergeist sucks!"_ Red whined.

_"You're telling me,"_ Invader Dev said as he walked up next to the former Tallest, equally dead as Red. _"I kept trying to spook Shen and Skullene on their year long vacation, for two weeks straight and I didn't even scare the cleaning lady they hired to clean up after they were done! Seriously I must have popped in on them ten times every night and I couldn't even hear myself talking over all the moaning!"_

_"...Ewwwww!"_ Red groaned. "_I really didn't need to know what those two do to eachother when they're alone! Being a poltergest_ really_ sucks! Why couldn't they kill Purple too and send him my way?"_

_"Because he's cute, unlike you," _Dev explained. _"According to a lot of fans anyways."_

_"Oh...wait, what?"_

Xxx

End of Chapter One!


	2. Chapter 2

Irken Hangover

I own nothing. Some characters are property of ngrey651.

Xxx

The royal cruiser's occupants passed the time playing poker and cracking jokes. Carlos for once was the only one not entirely distracted, since he was focusing on the road-the only thing that ever made him stop being 'The Carlos' for more than five minutes.

"...and then after I had her pinned we both kinda realized what happened to our clothes," Shen said. "So Skullene just said to me 'Something _terrible _just happened'. And when I asked her what we should do she just said 'Play it through cow boy'."

Skoodge wolf whistled. "I can't believe you went to being all lovey-dovey to arguing, to fighting, to having sex all in ten minutes...relationships are so complicated."

"Yeah but you should have seen what happens when a Vortian tries to mate with a Planet Jacker, now _that_ was an awkward moment that I like to put behind me, mostly so Skullene never finds out about it-"

"Hey sickos, we're here!" Carlos called from the front. "Behold...Las Vegia!"

The planet was surrounded by thousands of floating advertisements and space stations that contained casinos, hotels, and more. The planet was lit up like a night light.

"...it looked a lot better in the brochure," Dib said.

"Aw well, _party!_" Carlos cheered, diving down into the atmosphere.

"Uh..Carlos?" Shen swallowed. "Do you know how to park this?"

"Don't worry I see a spot right there!" Carlos pointed to a spot they were heading for a 50000 miles an hour.

"Carlos that's right between two freighters!" Skoodge shouted. "We'll be crushed!"

"Don't worry Skoodge, I got this!" Carlos grinned.

"AHHHH!" Dib, Skoodge and Shen screamed as they got closer and closer to the thin space between the ships.

"This is gonna hurt!" Shen squeezed his eyes shut.

"Computer two freighters at twelve oh clock," Carlos said calmly, receiving no response.

"WE'RE GONNA BURN UP!" Dib howled.

"I've got this guys!" Carlos insisted. "They're getting closer computer."

"I WANT MY UNFEELING ROBOT ARM!"

"SHADDUP ALREADY!" Carlos sighed. "So uncivilised." He grabbed a switch. "Preparing to park." He pulled it right before they would strike the landing pad.

Xxx

**Three...minutes...later**

The ship, now banged up somehow sat between the freighters. The engines had fallen off and it was close to snapping in half on its own accord. The crew, somehow untouched stood outside as employees unloaded their luggage.

"That was amazing!" Dib exclaimed. "Oh man what a landing!"

"I was a little worried when the engines exploded," Carlos shrugged. "And that mutated jelly fish crawling out of the microwave tried to suck my brain out...but you guys know what happened next."

The three exchanged a look and didn't reply to the demonic boy.

"Well let's go check in!" Dib said as they approached the hotel. "Is this really the Tallest Splorchamheimer's Palace?"

"Nope!" Skoodge replied as they looked up at the massive sign naming the hotel.

"That's good...it would be weird if I found out Zim actually lived here," Dib shuddered. "But wasn't Splorchamheimer a taboo for the empire?"

"The Venirans named it," Shen said.

"Ah..."

They went inside.

"Alright so what's our reservation under?" Shen asked.

"Tallest Zim for the top suite!" Dib replied. "Not that we'll spend a lot of time in it anyways."

"Who's ready to let the dogs out?" Skoodge pumped a fist into the air, drawing multiple confused looks from everybody, including his companions.

"...what the florp?" Shen deadpanned.

"You know...it's an Earth saying I caught up on!" Skoodge said. "You know?" He began to shift his shoulders as he sang. "Who let the dogs out? Woh? Who? Who?"

Shen looked at Dib and Carlos. "..."

"...I didn't invite him," Carlos assured the Vortian Pirate. "And yes Skoodge, I guess we're ready to let the dogs out. Let's just dump our stuff in the room and you know..."

"Party!" Skoodge cheered. "I'm ready to _get my groove on!_"

"...could I pay you to kill me?" Dib asked Shen.

"Depends, I promised Skully I wouldn't make hits anymore," Shen said. "Assisted suicide or Mercy Killing?"

"Mercy Killing."

"...we'll talk." Shen nodded.

Xxx

"Are we really supposed to be up here?" Dib asked as he jammed a seat inbetween the door and the frame as they all stepped out onto the roof of Tallest Splorchamheimer's Palace. They were over 500 stories up and protected by an atmosphere shield.

"Aw shut up Dib, take a look!" Carlos said, looking down at the city. "The one place we can actually have fun, be ourselves...without anybody trying to kill me for it."

"Really Carlos?" Shen asked.

"I've racked up lots of annoyance points," Carlos shrugged. "Well enough viewing, we're hitting the nearest casino!"

"No, wait! I wanna make a speech!" Skoodge interjected.

"Aw come on Skoodge we only have a week here!" Carlos whined.

"It'll just take a minute," Skoodge promised.

"Ok...but if it takes 61 seconds, meaning one second more than a minute I will jump off of this roof." Carlos promised.

"Right," Skoodge unfolded a paper. "As you all know, I am not a very social guy. I've pretty much bee na loner for most of my life, seeing as how all Irkens from my generation were killed...except for Zim. And all other Irkens despise me for my ingenuity."

Carlos and Dib exchanged a shrug while Shen waited patiently.

"But now, holy florp I've got three good friends to add to what humans refer to as My Wolf Pack," Skoodge said. "So now I have brought these drinks here to celebrate the new Wolf Pack!" He held up a few bottles of unmarked liquor.

"Ooh! Nice!" Carlos grinned.

"Good...now as per condition we mark the bottles with our blood!" Skoodge declared.

"No, no bloody!" Shen said firmly. "Skully wanted to make sure I am clean by the time I get back! If she sees a scratch on me she'll kill me, clone me, kill my clones, resurrect the original me, marry me, then kill me again in any varying order followed by more killing...and no sex between the killings."

"But it's Irken tradition!" Skoodge whined.

"You're an Irken," Dib said. "Shen's a Vortian," He looked to Carlos. "He-I have no freakin; idea what he is. When I tried to scan him the only result I got was 'out of order'."

Carlos chuckled dumbly.

"Let's just celebrate with the drinks," Shen decided.

"Oh alright," Skoodge sighed, handing them out.

"To this week," Shen raised his bottle. "Which we will never talk about again."

They shared a toast and then downed the drinks.

**Ooooohhhhh baby! It begins now!**

Xxx

The first thing that came to Dib's mind was 'somebody shut off that damn light!' followed by 'Oh wait...somebody shut off the damn sun!' The boy slowly sat up, opening his eyes and searching for his glasses. He found them and placed them over his eyes, allowing him to see the living room of the suite that he and the others had been sharing...

It was a total wreck. A Veniran Tribal Honour Spear was buried deep into the couch, pretty much all of the fancy paintings and sculptures were smashed or ripped, there were soda cans and nacho bags littering the floor...and Carlos was hanging upside down from the chandelier, wearing only his boxers and sleeping like a bat.

Skoodge was lying face down on the floor nearby, wearing a pair of Irken Briefs and covered in jelly. When the Irken groaned and sat up, Dib saw that he had something tattooed across the top of his head, passing between his antennae. It was a single black line, parallel to a series of dots and smaller curving lines.

Carlos fell head first onto the floor with a sickening 'snap!' Dib looked down and saw the demon boy's head at an awkward angle...

"Holy crap!" He scrambled backwards across the couch he had been sleeping on and fell into a vat of what seemed to be melted chocolate. Spitting the stuff out, he looked to Carlos just as he _got up and snapped his head back into place._

"Man it sucks when I break my neck," He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "What time is it?"

Shaking off his disgust and shock, Dib realized he still had his watch, which was working. "Just an hour or two before noon on Earth."

"Meaning 6 am here, crap," Carlos yawned. "Well, early bird gets the worm...and I think we might want to find another hotel if we're staying on this planet for a week-"

"Wait a second," Dib blinked. "It was Sunday when we left...why does my watch say that it's _Friday?_"

Carlos and Skoodge snapped their heads around and stared at Dib in shock.

"Holy crap!" Skoodge swallowed. "Aw man I hope we called Zim! I can't remember if we did at all!"

"Guys, calm down," Carlos said slowly. "Everything is fine...we're all okay...wait, where'd Shen go?"

They all looked around the living room, but saw no sign of the Vortian.

"...Shen?" Skoodge peeked into all of the bed rooms while Dib searched the bathrooms...

And Carlos made the mistake of walking out onto the balcony.

"AH!" He rushed back inside and sealed the door as a mass of tentacles reached for him. "Giant Squid Monkey on the deck!" He braced himself against the door as it tried to break into the hotel room.

"Oh man those things are dangerous!" Skoodge squeaked. "How did that get onto the balcony?"

"I can't find Shen anywhere!" Dib slid to a stop near them as the gravity of the situation slowly sank into them...

"Oh man...we're dead if Zim thinks we lost Shen!" Skoodge shuddered.

"Oh relax he probably thinks we're all still having a great time," Carlos said as he secured the lock on the door.

Xxx

**Earth**

Zim sighed as he set his communicator down. "Is that transmitter repaired yet?"

"Not yet my Tallest," An Irken Technician said as he and a team worked to repair the damaged transmission tower that Dib had built himself to help Earth communicate with the Irken Empire among other alien species.

"By my former incarnation!" Zim growled, having taken to a slightly more long winded phrase over 'Splorchamheimer'. "For all I know they could think Earth was blown up or something!"

"Relax Zim they're probably too busy partying to notice," Sophie said dismissively as she stepped out of Dib's house, having helped Melissa work on a cake.

"Oh how I hope you are right...how are Skullene's negotiations going?"

"Badly," Sophie nodded her head towards the open door. In the living room, Skullene was sitting on a chair across from the two priests, arguing with them.

"For the millionth tie we will _not _mutilate our hands!" She snapped.

"But how will it forge a spiritual connection between your two bodies, enabling you to bear children?" The Irken asked innocently.

Skullene just stared at him...and then at you, the audience. "Bear in mind folks, this is more advanced than the last Irken Empire."

Then she glared at the two. "Why should I let either of you marry me and Shen? I could get a human to do it!"

They gasped, insulted by the very idea.

"You would _dare?_" The Vortian demanded.

"I don't dare, I promise," Skullene replied coldly. "I'm getting a new priest entirely. Now get out!"

"But Princess Skullene we-"

"I said _get out or I will rip off your horns and shove them in your eye sockets and make your antennae into a noose that will go around your balls!_" Skullene hissed, first to the Vortian and then to the Irken. They both paled considerably and ran away.

"Daaaang." Lok whistled. "She's got Girl Balls."

"I still stand by my suspicion that she is pregnant," Zim whispered.

"Zim why do you always try to figure out everything our children do?" Tak sighed.

"I-must-always-be-prepared!" Zim said quickly. "Which is why that in the spirit of preparation I have acquired a new priest who will work just fine."

Xxx

**Las Vegia**

"The Manager hasn't seen him either," Dib groaned as he joined Carlos and Skoodge for lunch in their hotel room. "God I can't believe we missed five days...it feels like an hour passed."

"Well once we meet up with Shen we can tone down the relaxing," Carlos said with confidence. "I'm pretty sure he's around somewhere. He'll probably walk right in through that door any second now-"

_Ding dong!_

"You see?" Carlos grinned and stood up, walking over to the door. "Like I said, any sec-"

CRUNCH! A hand broke through the door and punched Carlos right in the face, sending him flying across the room and smashing the table, spilling milk and cereal on Dib and Skoodge as they screamed. The door was opened up by a large figure clad in a black suit and armour, a helmet covering its head except for two antennae that stuck out through slots.

"I-Invader Dest?" Skoodge squeaked.

"Wait, I thought Apoc was Dest in disguise!" Dib swallowed.

"_News of my death was...exaggerated,_" Dest chuckled. "_But yours will be spot on if you don't tell me where the hell you put it!_"

"Where did we put what?" Dib backed away as the armoured Irken stomped towards them.

"_Don't mess around with me human!_" He hissed. "_You may think you're so brave taking it from Skloo, but he never forgives or forgets, and neither do I!_"

"We really don't know what you-UGH!" Skoodge was lifted off his feet and slammed head first into the ceiling by Dest. The smaller, rounder Irken was left stuck there, kicking and making muffle screams as Carlos got to his feet.

"_Now talk you big headed monstrosity!_" Dest snarled, pulling out a gun.

Dib suddenly glowed with power. "My head is not **big!**"

Calling upon the power of his entity parent: Liberty and assisted by Carlos and his own power over Chaos, Dib formed a layer of energy around his right fist and slammed it into Dest's face plate. Carlos mimicked this perfectly right down to the moment of impact, sending Dest flying head over heel into a wall and splitting his helmet open.

"So he really _is_ an Irken!" Skoodge said as the three of them stood over Dest.

"And here I thought he was Don Francks!" Carlos said with a nod, and then looked to you, the audience. "The guy who first played Boba Fett."

"Well what do we do with him now?" Dib asked.

"I say we feed him to the squid," Skoodge said as they all turned away to discuss their scheme to dispose of Dest while the surprisingly _pink_ eyed Irken stood up, growling.

"Uh..." Carlos turned and noticed Dest pulling out a weapon. "We run."

"What? But-" Dib and Skoodge noticed the weapon, which seemed a whole lot bigger than it had first appeared. "How'd you hide something that big in there?"

"Is it big? Or did your mind trick you into thinking it's big?" Dest sneered, raising it. "Either way you're dead meat!"

"Run for it boys!" Carlos snatched his two companions up and held them under each arm as he ran out of the room as fast as he could. On the way he stepped on the remote to the room's radio system.

"_...finished up with 'Die Irken Hard' by Vortian Vendetta. Now let's put on a human song for all the couples out there, specifically the soon to be wed Shen Baron and Princess Skullene: Ever Fallen in Love by Pete Yorn. Take it away fellas!_" (I don't own that song)

The song started playing as Carlos slid into the hall, a laser flying over him, Dib and Skoodge before the demon boy launched all three of them into the stairwell after snatching a tray off of a passing room service cart. Carlos emptied its contents and then leaped up, beginning to grind down the circular stairwell.

_**You spurn my natural emotions**_

_**You make me feel like diiiirt and I'm hurt!**_

"AHHH!" Dib and Skoodge screamed.

"Look on the bright side fellas! We got away from-" Suddenly Dest fell past where they were and came back up with a jet pack moving him alongside the demon boy and his metal tray/makeshift snowboard.

"He has a _jet pack? _Oh man that's awesome!" Dib said.

"Not the best time comrade Big Head!"

"MY HEAD'S NOT BIIIIIG!" Dib wailed as they continued their spiralling descent towards the ground floor.

_**But if I start a commotion**_

_**I run the risk of losing you, and that's worse!**_

They reached the ground floor within seconds. Carlos jumped up, and the tray went flying and buried itself into a wall nearby as he landed, rolling while releasing Dib and Skoodge. All three of them were on their feet and running a split second later as Dest flew down from the upper floors with his jet pack and fired his Irken Disruptor rifle at them, blowing craters into the ground and causing multiple guests to panic and flee, screaming.

"We've gotta get out of here!" Skoodge bawled, barely able to keep up with Dib and Carlos thanks to his adrenaline rush.

"To the landing pad!" Carlos declared.

"But the ship's broken!"

"We'll find another one then!"

_**Ever fall in love with some one**_

_**Ever fallen in love, in love with some one**_

_**Ever fallen in, in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?**_

"How can we still hear the radio in our room from here?" Dib asked as they ran out of the hotel, lasers and missiles pelting the ground around them.

"For entertainment convenience!" Carlos replied.

"Oh...wait, what?"

"Your ship sir?" An Irken worker stopped them on the way up the ramp to the landing pad and presented a set of keys to them.

"They got it fixed? Man the service here is classy!" Dib took the keys and they moved on.

"Wait, fixed? We fix ships?" The Irken blinked, watching them go.

"Call the ship over!" Skoodge shouted.

Dib pressed the red button on the key remote...and a large green and white rocket like ship parked itself in front of them.

"...that's a Star Command ship!" Skoodge said. "How did we get that?" (I do not own Buzz Lightyear ether)

BOOM! A missile flew over them and bounced off the ship's shields.

"Whine later, it's got shields!" Carlos said as the ramp lowered and they rushed inside, closing it behind them as Dest dove at the sip.

"You'll never get away from e you worms!" Dest shouted after them as Carlos hopped into the pilot's seat.

"Do you know how to drive this thing?" Dib asked.

"Well I took a basic driving course," Carlos thought back to the video game that taught him everything he needed to know about flying: Driver 3. (Don't own that either) "So hang on!"

The ship shot away from the landing pad, slowly leaving Dest behind it.

"Home free!" Carlos cheered as Dib and Skoodge were pressed against the back of the cockpit. "Did we lose him? I think we lost him!" Carlos glanced out the side windows. "We lost him!"

"Carlos?"

"Yes comrade Big Head?"

"ROCKET!" Dib and Skoodge pointed ahead.

Carlos turned and let out an 'eep' as they closed in on the side of an even larger Star Command ship. He yanked on the steering wheel and moved out of the way.

As Carlos slowed the ship down a voice boomed from the ship's radio. "_Ship 64, ship 64, this is ship 98. What the hell were you doing just now?_"

"Uh...nothing!" Carlos said, trying to sound older. "It was a...uh..weapons malfunction, nothing critical!"

"_Say again, did you say a _weapon's malfunction _ship 64?_"

"Uh...yes I did ship 98!" Carlos nodded. "Complete accident, won't happen again! Uh...how are you doing?"

"_We're sending an inspection team over to see what's going on with your engines._"

"Negative-negative! We have a...radiation leak! Yes, our reactor core is leaking!" Carlos said desperately. "We shouldn't let anybody aboard for a while. Very dangerous sir, I don't want to put your men at risk!"

"_Okay who is this? Identify yourself and your operating number._"

"Uh-um...ah..." Carlos stammered before Dest appeared alongside the ship holding something. "Uh oh..."

A wave of fire covered the ship as Dest slowly began to melt the hull. "Fire! Fire! Incoming fire! Call you back!"

He gunned the ship forward, and the larger Star command ship gave pursuit alongside Dest.

"Carlos look out for that freighter-" Dib started before Carlos cut a ship in half by ploughing through it. "Nevermind."

"Look out for that bill board!" Skoodge shouted.

"Bill board?" Carlos looked ahead before they passed through a large donut on a billboard for Schloogar's, the restaurant owned and run by Sizz-Lor before his arrest. "What is with this planet?"

The ship buckled, and alarms rang. "And boys I think we lost something!"

"Don't worry, we've still got..." Skoodge paled as he looked at a computer screen. "All but the side engines."

"Look out for that building right there!" Dib shouted before the ship ploughed through a large window and flew right through a large mall. People looked up in shock, hearing the screams of the three occupants as they were chased by a flying Irken with a flamethrower and an even larger ship that passed through.

"Shut up Db you are _not_ helping! You are so not helping!" Carlos growled before they smashed their way out into broad day light.

All three of them screamed, hugging one another as the ship flew up and slowly began to turn down in an arch. Then it crashed in the middle of a park and rested there, smoking a bit.

As the three crew members sat there in shock, staring out the smashed front windows even as a pair of floating robots popped out of a hidden compartment.

"**Commencing repairs." **They intoned.

"...so who wants brunch?" Skoodge asked, breaking the silence.

"...sure, why not?" Carlos shrugged, getting up. "Come along comrade." He held Dib under one arm as the three left the ship, having finally lost Dest and the Star Command ship...

Only for a warrant to be put out for their arrest later.

Xxx

"So you promise that you won't make Shen cut off a horn or anything?" Skullene asked.

"I promise," Darithil said, sitting cross legged and floating several inches over his seat. "All we need is the groom."

"He'll be here in a few days," Nick said. "In the mean time I have to keep teaching the rest of the guests as to why Skully and her hubby won't be doing any amputating during the ceremony."

"That'll be a challenge," Zim nodded, sitting on the couch with Tak and Skullene.

"Don't worry, know just the guy to call for help if things get rough," Nick pulled out a communicator and dialed in a number... "Hey, why can't I get a signal?"

"Is your friend off planet?" Zim looked out the window. "Because if so the transmitter is still down."

"He's on Las Vegia...rather coincidental, ain't it?" Nick pocketed the communicator. "Maybe Rikalo's seen Shen there. He's usually at every bar and casino on the planet every week."

Xxx

End of chapter two!


	3. Chapter 3

Irken Hangover

I do not own IZ, The Hangover, Buzz Lightyear and any related material, or the characters Nick Gray and Darithil.

Read and Review

Xxx

"Alright, so we have...coupons from Schloogar's," Dib said as he sorted through a pile of objects on the table in the diner the trio had stopped in. "A pair of sun glasses," He examined them and saw something on one of the arms of the shades. "Belonging to one 'Skloo'garata'."

"And...what is this?" Skoodge pulled a big, pink rubber object out of his pocket.

"Ew!" Dib and Carlos said at the same time.

"Skoodge get rid of that, it might have something infectious on it!" Dib said.

"Why? What is it?" Skoodge said, examining the dildo. "And why is it shaped like a human's-"

Xxx

**Earth**

"Dick! Hey Dick!"

"It's Rick, damn it! And no the transmitter is not working!" A human technician shouted down at Zim from the transmission tower. "Can you learn some patience?"

"I am patient; it's Skullene who's throwing a hissy fit!" Zim called back up.

"I AM _NOT_ THROWING A HISSYFIT DAD!" Skullene shouted from inside. "I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT SHEN!"

"And throttling Loe at the same time!" Lok laughed.

"I just needed a stress relief!" Skullene snapped as she walked out, dragging Loe by the neck as he slowly turned a darker shade of green, unable to breathe and feeling like his head would explode.

"I once again bring up the possibility that the almighty Zim's widdle angel is preggers!" Zim said...dramatically.

"Oh and just because I'm mad I'm pregnant?" Skullene hissed. "In that case I'm having triplets dad because I am _pissed!_ Where is my second stress reliever?"

At this Lok stopped laughing and made a run for it.

"Get back here you son of a-"

Xxx

**Las Vegia**

"GUN! HE'S GOT A GUN!" Aliens fled the diner as Skoodge pulled a handgun from his pockets while searching for clues to Shen's whereabouts.

"Oh man! We gotta go before the cops or Star Command shows up!" Dib said, getting up and dropping some monies on the table.

"Cheese it!" Carlos shouted before smashing his way out through the window next to their table.

"Good idea!" Skoodge got up.

"Wait!" Dib stopped the Irken from jumping. "It seems he's forgotten that we're on the 92nd floor."

Skoodge paled as he realized the fatal mistake he had been about to make. "Why did they put a diner up in a building so tall anyways?"

"It's your crazy speciies Skoodge, not mine, now let's take the elevator!"

Xxx

"Okay, so we have coupons from a restaurant, a pair of sun glasses, a dildo, a gun," Dib paused as he found something else in his pockets as he and Skoodge descended in the elevator. "Hey...a camera!" He held up an Irken made camera. "Maybe it can tell us where we were last night!"

They rushed out of the elevator, through the lobby, and found Carlos with his head literally stuck into the top of a transport ship labelled **Irken Supreme Safety Helmets.**

"Talk about irony!" Skoodge said as they pulled Carlos out and found a helmet stuck on his head.

"Wow...I feel like I have a headache, yet my head feels comfy and safe!" Carlos said as he pushed the visor on the helmet up away from his face.

"Well come on then Daredevil let's get out of here!" Dib insisted as a Star Command cruiser began its approach.

"Right-o! We're off!" Carlos had his bat like wings for and snatched both Skoodge and Dib off the ground, taking flight with an evil laugh.

"Holy crap..." A robot on the cruiser stared through the canopy at the flying creature. The robot had tank tracks for feet, and a short round body with a floating golden cylinder of a head with yellow eyes encased in a glass dome on the top of the body. "Are you guys seeing this?"

"No, and neither are you so arm the stun cannons!" A man with a large chin and sitting in the Captain's chair snapped.

"You got it boss!" The robot then fired the stun cannons.

"Wait XR that's the-" A blue skinned female alien with red hair started before XR accidently blew a hole in a nearby building after missing the fugitives.

"Uh...sorry!" The robot hastily corrected his weapons selection and fired a blue beam that struck Carlos, Skoodge and Dib. They all went limp and plummeted towards the planet before a tractor beam pulled them into the ship.

"Heh, that'll show the scum to never steal from Star Command," The Captain chuckled. "Cart them off to the orbital command."

Xxx

**Five...minutes...later**

Carlos sat up, yawning as he stretched. "Aw man that was a nice nap." He looked around the cell that he, Dib and Skoodge were in. "...aw son of a-"

Xxx

**Earth**

"I think it's working now!" Rick called from the top of the transmitter. "Try it!"

"Okay! But if it connects me to Panda Express again I'll eat your face to go along with my 17th order!" Zim replied before he dialled Carlos' comm. number in his PAK communicator.

Xxx

**Las Vegia**

Carlos answered his phone. "Carlos' Castration Services, who will we be 'snipping' for you today?"

"Carlos you moron!"

"ZIM!" Carlos leaped to his feet, causing Dib and Skoodge to wake up. "Uh...hey Zimmy!"

"Carlos, tell me that nothing has gone wrong."

"Nothing has gone wrong," Carlos replied without hesitation.

"Okay, now say that three times very fast!"

"Nothing'swrong nothing'swrong nothing'swrong!" Carlos said quickly.

"Good. Now tell me how the vacation has been. Is Zim's widdle angel's hubby ready to come home soon?"

"Yeah!" Carlos replied eagerly. "Yes, in fact he's already packed all but the essentials. He _really_ can't wait to see Skully again!" He looked to Dib and Skoodge who gestured desperately, mouthing words. "And...We'll arrive right when we're supposed to!"

"Good, now can you tell me if-WAUGH!" Carlos heard struggling and shouting on the other end before Skullene spoke into the communicator.

"Carlos put Shen on!" She whined. "I miss him!"

"_Zim stands by the pregnancy theory!_" Zim shouted.

"Uh...I can't."

"Why not? Pwease?" Skullene whined like a little girl.

"Because he's...sleeping! He had a very long night and he was up practicing his vows," Carlos replied. "In fact the only time he slept was when I cooked breakfast!"

"Aw...so sweet," Skullene cooed. "Tell him I said to get lots of rest and that I love him."

"And I'm sure he'll tell me to say 'I love you too'."

"Well I'll say 'I love you more!'"

"And he'll say 'No, I love _you_ more!'"

"And I'll say 'No, I love _you_ more!'"

"No, I love _you_ more!" Carlos now spoke with the same tone Shen and Skullene-and pretty much any crazy love couple used for gooey affectionate scenes.

"No, I love YOU more!"

"No, I love YOU more!"

"I love YOU more!"

"I_ so_ love you more!"

"Uh...Carlos?"

"Silence Dib! I'm speaking to the love of my life here!" Carlos snapped. "Gotta go muffin cake, bye!" He hang up before realizing what had just happened. "Aww fffff-man I wanna swear so badly, but it's a rated K story!"

"Actually it's rated T."

"Really? Well I still can't drop an F bomb so...Aww crap!" Carlos groaned. "Shen, Skullene, _and_ Zim will kill me for that!"

Slowly the camera view panned out, showing that several figures stood behind the one way mirror, plotting, whispering...

"Hey, who the hell are those guys?" Carlos pointed at the screen.

"What? He can see us? Oh crap, down!" The figures scattered. "Louise, I told you to set the one way mirror to hide us!"

"Sorry boss!"

The mirror then showed a reflection of the cell interior instead of the observation room.

"...well that was interesting," Dib said, concerned for the discipline of the galactic peacekeepers.

Suddenly the door opened, and Captain Buzz Lightyear himself, the very captain who had captured the three marched in as a table and seats popped out of the floor. Another officer came in, this one the blue skinned woman.

"Alright boys just take a seat," She said with a smile. "We'll get this sorted and have you in court in a few days."

"Wait, you don't understand there's an emergency!" Dib said. "And if we don't fix it then the whole galaxy will be plunged back into war between the Irkens and the Vortians!"

"...we literally heard that before," The woman said, biting her lower lip. "Sorry fellas."

Suddenly the man flipped open his left gauntlet. "Log, interrogation has begun. Subjects are an Irken who is grossly overweight and short-"

"Hey!" Skoodge whined, his eyes watering.

"A humanoid with oddly shaped hair and an abnormally sized head that is perhaps evidence of genetic deformities among the species."

"My head isn't big! Look at your **CHIN!**" Dib snapped. "I think it just grew!"

"And what appears to be a selectively bred mutant capable of flight and sustaining large amounts of damage, perhaps a rather pitiful attempt at creating a more advanced hybrid subspecies," The man droned on.

Carlos growled, his eyes glowing as smoke literally came from his nostrils. His teeth were clenched and extra sharp now while his tail whipped back and forth.

"Uh...Buzz is this a good time?" The blue skinned woman asked nervously.

"All three express violent and primitive behaviours, evidence of a depraved and slothful culture," Buzz kept going. "I shall do my best to show compassion to such lawless people, though I fear any sympathy may have come far too late."

"Is this guy even listening to us?" Dib demanded, looking at the red headed alien.

"Uh...sadly I don't think so," She face palmed herself right in the forehead, wishing she had gotten another job.

"I think that Nick guy warned us about this guy," Skoodge sniffed, wiping his eyes after Buzz went on to criticize his eye colour next. "Captain Lightyear, one of the top guns around here, and known for long winded speeches."

"Good...can I kill him?" Carlos asked.

"Carlos, no, he's a cop." Dib said firmly. "And we have to show respect and integrity if we want to get out and find Shen, maybe they can even help us!"

"Wait, Shen? Shen Baron?" The alien woman's eyes widened. "The one to wed the Irken Princess in a few days?"

"Yes!" Dib nodded. "I'm Dibbun Membrane of Earth, this is Skoodge and-"

"I am The Carlos; at your service, m'lady," Carlos kissed her hand and released it as she blushed darker blue a bit.

"Further attempts at communication have only resulted in a show of sexual obsession with my partner," Buzz was _still_ recording! "And unfortunately she seems to have given in."

"We were sent here with him from Earth to get away from the Irkens and Vortians pressuring him and Skullene to follow some old traditional wedding styles that involved self mutilation," Skoodge explained. "We showed up here, went to the roof of Splor's Palace and shared a few drinks, after that I don't know what happened but that was five days ago and he wasn't anywhere when we woke up!"

"They have finally begun to provide details to their reasons for disturbing the peace: it appears they were all easily intoxicated by alcoholic beverages," Buzz monotone his way through the conversation. "Proof that Irkens are the universe's light weights along with Terrans."

"We need to find him!" Dib pleaded. "Not only will Tallest Zim bombard this planet to find him, but the Irkens and Vortians will go to war again!"

"Oh man I knew I recognized you three!" The woman stood up. "From Kill Zim! Alright, I believe you, this is a serious issue."

"And now it appears that the revelation of the celebrity status of the three accused has drawn inappropriate favouritism from my partner," Buzz frowned. "I will be sure to record this for later."

"Seriously, can I _please_ kill him?" Carlos persisted.

"No!" Dib and Skoodge snapped at the same time.

"Buzz this is a serious issue!" The woman said. "If Shen Baron is missing the Irken Armada _and_ the Vortian Fleet of War will be on the move to here in a few days!"

"Overcome by the incredible and suspicious story of the prisoners, my partner has slowly begun to cave under pressure," Buzz continued, as if ignoring the issue. "I shall take steps to make sure she is never coerced to pity such scum again-"

THUNKA-THUD! Carlos leaped over the table and tackled Buzz. "_I'm gonna rip that glove off and shove it in your mouth and rip your guts out and make them into a milkshake that will bring _all_ the boys to the yard!_" (I'd like to thank ngrey651 for that one.)

Xxx

"It sure was nice of her to point us to that repair shop!" Dib said as he, Skoodge and Carlos flew in Zim's royal cruiser, which was no completely fixed. Skoodge was looking at the logs and security footage to see if they had tried to use it during the past few days.

"Well it looks like we tried to use it a little after those drinks, but then left...and came back with that Star Command ship!" Skoodge groaned. "Man I can't believe we stole a law enforcement cruiser."

Carlos chuckled. "We're livin' the life Skoodge! All we gotta do is find out where Shen is. One Vortian can't be that hard to find, and he's a Pirate, he can hold his own."

"Not if he runs into..." Skoodge paled. "A _ninja!_"

**DUN-DUN-DUNNNN!**

"...Meh," Carlos shrugged. "Alright so what else did she tell us?"

"Well she said that there's an Irken named Skloo over in the Upper Districts," Dib was reading a data file the woman had given them. "I have the address, let's go there and see if Skloo knows where Shen is."

"Right-o!"

Xxx

A half hour later the ship landed in an apartment complex that stretched up into the sky. Getting out, they passed through seemingly endless hall ways and stair wells until they reached a room on one of the upper floors. They all exchanged a look and then Carlos slowly reached out...

_Hisss!_

And knocked Dest right between the eyes as he opened the door. The Irken growled and grabbed Carlos, who yelped as he was slammed head first into the ceiling. Reacting, the demon boy kicked Dest in the chin while Skoodge tackled Dest into the room. Dib and Carlos ran to his aid...only to have a doze nguns locked on them!

"Uh oh..." Dib whispered as he took in the sight of a lot of female Irkens holding guns. They all wore tight clothing or an assortment of skirts and sleeveless tops that exposed their mid riffs. They were gathered around one large red eyed Irken wearing fancy clothes and with golden rings on his hands. He made Skoodge look slim!

"So...you sons of bitches come back to me...and have the balls to raid my home?" The fat Irken growled. "I oughta kill you all right now...but if you give it back to me now, I will spare you."

"Give _what_ back?" Dib demanded. "Your hit man there wouldn't tell us anything! He just kept beating on us and chasing us!"

The Irken known as Skloo stood up, snarling. "I. Want. My. _Sun glasses!_"

...

"Oh, here yah go!" Carlos held them out.

"...oh, thanks." Skloo took them and put them on. "Ah...the natural balance is restored...now get out of my home!"

"Wait!" Carlos shouted as the Irken girls moved in to shove them out. "We have to ask you something."

"Do you have experience with cracking vault doors or scaling walls?" Skloo suddenly asked.

"What?"

"Don't you want a job? That's what they all want!" The fat Irken waved one hand. "All these poor bums always come to me asking for a job, but can they provide? No!"

"Actually we just want to know what's happened for the past few days," Dib said. "You see, five days ago we were drugged, and we lost our friend-"

"Oh yeah! Shen! That Vortian guy." Skloo nodded, grinning. "Vel'ra can't get over him, can you Vel'ra?" A pink eyed Irken girl blushed and looked away.

"He was so polite," She said meekly. "He called us all beautiful roses he wished he could make a garden for so we could flourish. His family must be very proud of him."

"Sounds like Shen," Carlos nodded. "Shen on drugs anyways. And yep, his _fiancée _is very proud of him and I hope him being drugged up and hitting on a lot of hot alien women won't ruin their wedding."

"We met you guys at the hospital two days ago!" Skloo said. "You brought in the fat one there for a butt related injury?"

"Huh?" Skoodge placed a hand on his butt. "Ow..I feel a scar!" He began to cry. "My beautiful ass!"

"Aw..." Several women cooed and hugged Skoodge as he cried.

"He is so adorable," One said.

"Cheer up little fella," Another said, wiping his tears away.

Carlos rolled his eyes. "Ok...so we were at that hospital just a few blocks over?"

"Yeah, then Big Head there started waving around a lot of monies he said he won over at some casino," Skloo said. "I think it was the Venira Fantasies casino."

"Awesome! Maybe they found whatever drugged us!" Dib said.

"And maybe we can win a whole lot of cash if you go to the casino!" Carlos grinned.

"Score!" They both said at once.

"Alrighty then seeing as you gave me my super cool shades back, I won't send Dest after you anymore," Skloo said as Dest growled viciously. "But still, get out of my home, you make my IQ drop by proximity, along with my sanity."

"Right-o, thanks Don Skloo!" Carlos said as the trio left.

Xxx

"Ok...man this place is big," Dib looked around as the group got out of their ship and entered the massive Venira Fantasies Casino. Just as the name said, it was owned and run by Venirans, who had re-established their Empire and were making sure Venira-formerly the Gladiator Planet would remain safe against future invasions. Then again nobody wanted to mess with hundreds of millions of angry Venirans who had just gotten their hoe back after centuries of slavery, seeing as they were known as the only race that could at one point take the Irken Empire on even grounds...until the Massive was built.

"Welcome to Veniran Fantasies," A Veniran, large and muscular like most of his species said in a voice that was too deep and rugged to fit the occupation. "May I help you-" He paused as he held the door open for the three. "By Vishiva! Three of the Great Saviours-"

"SH!" Dib covered his mouth. "Listen to me, we have a problem and we need you to keep quiet about it, okay?" The Veniran nodded. "Good...now, we need to know where to find security footages of the casino interior. We need to know when we were here last night and what we did."

The Veniran nodded as Dib removed his hand. "I can point you in the direction, but not even all of the Great Saviours combined would be allowed into the security center." The 'Great Saviours' was a title given to Zim and his comrades who had helped in liberating the Venirans, something the former slaves never forgot.

"Don't worry," Carlos smirked, cracking his knuckles. "I'll handle any problems we have."

Xxx

"Oh man I know that guy," Skoodge swallowed as he, Dib and Carlos knelt behind a corner, watching a very tall, battle scarred Veniran who did not wear a black and red uniform like the Venirans who worked at the casino. This one made Credaran-their old friend and current Emperor of the Venirans look like an insect! He could pick Credaran up by the waist with one hand! He was almost half as tall as a telephone pole!

"He's the champion fighter from Veniran Violence, one of Red's old reality shows," Skoodge said. "He's killed lots of bad asses, ass kickers, ass _kissers_ and-"

"We know, all sorts of asses," Carlos shook his head. "Man that joke is really being overused." He stood up. "Well it's time for me to handle this. The bigger they are, the harder they fall."

"Wait...that's not the one I was talking about," Skoodge said. "The Champion is right behind that one."

"Wha?" Carlos and Dib glanced around the massive Veniran...

And saw a Veniran who looked grossly underdeveloped, barely reaching Carlos' neck. He and Dib exchanged a grin before the demon boy strolled forward confidently.

"Halt," The larger Veniran growled.

"Sirs, I and my companions are facing a crisis of unparalleled proportions," Carlos said. "I need your access cards so I can get into that office."

"And why should we give them to you? Huh?" the large one growled while the small one raised an eyebrow.

"Because if you do not, then I shall be forced to engage you both in combat, Kung-Fu style," Carlos replied in his 'Sherlock Holmes-esque' voice.

"I see..." The smaller one nodded. "Stand down Mongo."

"Yes sir," The larger one snapped a salute.

"Shall we take this outside strange bipedal creature with equally strange but oddly fashionable fur on his head?" The small Veniran asked.

"Oh, you noticed? Why thank you! And yes, let us take this outside," Carlos and the small Veniran walked towards the nearest exit as Dib and Skoodge stared.

"What are they doing?" Skoodge asked.

"I think they're gonna duel," Dib shrugged.

"After you," The Veniran said as he held the door open.

"Oh, why thank you." Carlos nodded and stepped through, the Veniran following after him.

Dib smiled and turned to Skoodge. "He'll have those keys in five-" He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned...

To see Carlos, with a trash can shoved over his upper body and with his hands just sticking out from under the rim of the cylindrical container.

"Carlos? What happened?" Dib asked.

Immediately Carlos began to tap on the outside of the trash can with his fingers, using morse code.

"He says...That...guy...knows...his...Karate..." Dib translated. "But..on...the...bright...side...I...got...the keys! Yes! Where are they?" Carlos resumed his tapping. "Between...my...teeth..." Dib sighed. "Crap."

He and Skoodge tried for several minutes to pull the trashcan off of Carlos, but it seemed to be super glued to him! Finally they gave up, releasing the trash can and gasping for breath. Dib straightened his glasses, thinking until he had one idea...

He looked to Skoodge. "We both know the answer to this."

Skoodge nodded. "...to the hardware store!" He struck a dramatic pose before he accidently knocked Carlos over, causing the demon boy to go rolling down the hall thanks to his new trash can.

"Hang on Carlos, we're coming!" Dib shouted before chasing after him with Skoodge. "Man this day is a little _too_ exciting for me!"

Xxx

"So you'll check around for them then?" Nick asked.

"Yeah don't worry yerself there Nick," A voice with a familiar southern drawl replied. "I heard about them from Skloo a few minutes ago when I was making a delivery."

"Skloo? Why would they go near that guy?" Nick blinked, confused.

"Well he wouldn't tell me is the problem here, he said it's a big secret. I'm tryin' to get him drunk enough to spill but so far all he's spilt is vomit and piss."

"I really _didnt't_ have to know that," Nick shuddered. "Just find them for me, please."

"You got it buddy! I'll track them down or my name ain't Qucik Shot Rikalo!" With that, Nick's mercenary friend from Las Vegia hung up, leaving the communications officer extremely confused while he pondered just what was happening with Shen and the boys...

Then he was pretty sure it was Carlos' fault based off of what he knew about the demonic boy, the prince of madness, the child of chaos incarnate...

Yep, Carlos' fault.

Stupid, stupid Carlos.

Xxx

End of Chapter!


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